


The Past is Always Present

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-16
Updated: 2006-06-16
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8704729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Dean's a little bit pissed that Sam gambled with his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

The Past Is Always Present

THE PAST IS ALWAYS PRESENT  
  
By Shorts  
  
The sun was low in the horizon and the miles flew as Sam drove. He found himself constantly sneaking peeks at Dean next to him. He couldn't tell if Dean was actually sleeping, or simply shutting himself off. Finally unable to take the silence any longer, he braced himself. "Dean?"  
  
"What?" asked Dean, his voice hard and distant.  
  
"I wasn't sure if you were sleeping or not," replied Sam, his attention off the road and on Dean.  
  
"So?" Dean didn't move, his arms still folded across his chest and the dark sunglasses still in place.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Sam, staring at Dean.  
  
"You are?" Dean shifted and removed his sunglasses, revealing eyes filled with anger. "What exactly are you sorry for, Sam?"  
  
Sam's mouth fell open at the raw hurt and anger directed at him, and for a moment he was speechless. "For . . . for everything that happened."  
  
Dean simply raised an eyebrow and waited.  
  
"For not thinking things all the way through. You were right, if I had been wrong, you'd have been killed." Sam couldn't pull his attention away from Dean's accusing stare.  
  
"You're about to get us both killed if you don't watch where you're driving," snapped Dean, glancing out the front windshield at the oncoming car.  
  
Startled, Sam guided the Impala back into their lane, then pulled over onto the shoulder and parked.  
  
The faint ticking of the hot engine was the only sound as they sat together. Dean no longer looked at his brother, his gaze focused on the darkening terrain around them instead.  
  
"Dean . . . ," began Sam.  
  
"Don't," interrupted Dean, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out. "Just . . . don't, okay?"  
  
"Dean?" asked Sam, confused at what was going on with his brother now.  
  
"Look," said Dean, glancing quickly at Sam before turning back to the side window, "No harm, no foul, right? Everything is back to normal, at least what passes as normal for us this time."  
  
Sam's breath caught when he saw the shimmer of unshed tears in Dean's eyes for the brief moment he had looked at him. "Dean . . . " He reached out and placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. He could feel Dean tense and almost shrug his hand off, but then suddenly the tension melted away beneath his touch. "If anything was ever to happen . . . "  
  
"Let it go, Sammy," sighed Dean, abruptly opening his car door and climbing out. "Move over. I'm driving."  
  
Before Sam could react, Dean was around the front of the car and opening the driver's door. He leveled his gaze at Sam, waiting.  
  
Letting out an exasperating sigh, Sam climbed into the passenger seat.  
  
Scattering gravel, Dean sped back onto the highway. "I'm taking you back," announced Dean, never taking his eyes off the road.  
  
"Back?" Sam had no idea what Dean meant.  
  
"I should never have taken you away from school," continued Dean. "I. . . I just didn't want to be alone. You and Dad are all I have . . . ," Dean dry swallowed, his throat closing around whatever words he wanted to say.  
  
"Dean, what the hell are you talking about?" demanded Sam, frowning at Dean. "I'm not going back to school."  
  
"Yes, you are," countered Dean. "You never wanted this. It's certainly not any bed of roses and you had . . . have a chance to lead a normal life."   
  
"Dean, we've already been over this. I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere," argued Sam. "Where is all this coming from? Is it because of Cassie?"  
  
"Cassie just confirmed what I've always known. She was the closest I ever came to what you and I had together," confessed Dean. "And look how that turned out. It just proves that I'm not meant to be loved."  
  
"Dean, that's not true," said Sam.  
  
"I guess I just wanted things back the way they were between you and me. Even if it is wrong. But I finally realized that will never happen." Dean slouched further down in the seat, blinking hard to clear his vision. "When you knowingly gambled with my life, I knew then that the past was lost to me forever."  
  
Sam was stunned. "Dean, you know I would do anything to keep you safe and it was the only thing that I could think of to save your ass from that damn truck. And the past is never far away. It's what drives us and keeps us going."   
  
Dean remained silent.  
  
"As for how things used to be between us," continued Sam, "it'll always be a part of us. Face it, we will never be the ideal poster family. We learned a long time ago that what works for us, is what is right for us. You can't let how your relationship with Cassie ended make you think you're destined to walk this world alone. We will always have each other."  
  
"Sam, I'm not asking for some kind of pity fuck," countered Dean, instinctively raising his emotional shields.  
  
"If my memory serves me, there was never anything close to pity when we were together," Sam snapped back.   
  
"But like I said, it's all in the past," ground out Dean, his expression radiating almost physical pain. "We can't go back to . . . "  
  
Sam leaned over and kissed him, silencing anything else Dean might say.  
  
The car swerved as Dean was lost in the sensual feel of Sam's lips. Emotionally and physically Dean reacted to the familiar feeling coursing through him. The harsh blare of a truck horn startled them both. Dean licked his lips, trying to reclaim Sam's taste. "Why did you do that?"   
  
Sam slowly settled back in his seat, his eyes never leaving his brother. "To prove that the past is right here with us."  
  
Dean studied Sam, unable to gauge whether he was serious, or just humoring him. "Don't jerk me around, Sam."  
  
"I believe the correct term is jerk you off," smirked Sam. "And I seem to recall you didn't mind that at all."  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
"So am I," countered Sam. "I think we need to find a place for the night and continue this conversation without us risking being smeared over the highway."  
  
Dean's eyes narrowed and nodded without saying a word.  
  
They entered the next small town and pulled into a road side motel. Opening the door to their room, Dean tossed their small bag onto a chair and quickly took stock of their surroundings.  
  
Sam dropped down to sit on one of the beds, patiently watching Dean satisfy himself that the room was safe.  
  
Avoiding any eye contact with Sam, Dean removed his jacket and draped it over the back of a chair. He paused with his back to Sam and steeled himself for whatever was coming. Convinced Sam had come to his senses and was now trying to figure a way out of the situation.  
  
"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come over here?" asked Sam.  
  
Dean turned and made his way to the other bed and sat down. "It's late. We should get some sleep." He bent down and started to remove his boots.  
  
"It's not that late, and sleep is the last thing on my mind," said Sam, cocking his head to the side as he watched Dean fumble with the laces of his boots for a moment before getting up and sitting next to him.  
  
"This is crazy," said Dean, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.  
  
"That pretty much sums up our lives," agreed Sam, rubbing Dean's back and then hugging him.  
  
Dean turned toward Sam, the conflict of his fervent need to believe and his wary self-preservation clearly evident on his face.  
  
"Trust me," whispered Sam, slowly leaning forward to capture Dean's lips in a kiss.  
  
Breaking the kiss, Dean rested his forehead against Sam's, his heart pounding in his ears. "You sure you want to go back to doing this?"  
  
"If I wasn't, we wouldn't be here like this now," assured Sam. "Come on, let's get into bed." He stood and started to undress.  
  
Dean hesitated another moment, before doing the same. He slipped under the covers next to Sam, suddenly nervous and unsure of himself and what they were about to do.  
  
"Dean?" Sam rolled on his side and rested his hand on Dean's bare chest, asking and waiting for permission.  
  
Dean placed his own hand on top of Sam's. "Sam, we're not kids anymore. We do this, we can't just chalk it up to not knowing any better."  
  
"Hate to break it to you, bro, but we weren't kids then either." Sam scooted closer until he was pressed against Dean's side. "Maybe younger, but we knew what we were doing."  
  
"But . . . ," started Dean.  
  
Sam silenced him with another kiss as his hand caressed Dean's chest and down his stomach.  
  
Desire flared through Dean and he wrapped his arms around Sam, deepening the kiss and rolling until he was lying on top. He used his knee to nudge apart Sam's legs and settled himself between them, pressing their bodies together. Slowly he rocked his hips, sliding alongside Sam's matching hardness.  
  
Sam arched his head back when Dean nipped down his jaw, and gasped when Dean started to move faster and harder.  
  
Too soon, they both arched, clinging to each other as they came. A small groan escaped Dean and he crushed Sam to him. Together they collapsed back into the mattress, silently holding onto each other as the tremors eased.  
  
"I've missed you," whispered Dean, burying his face in the crook of Sam's neck.  
  
"I'm here," said Sam, rubbing his hands up and down Dean's back. "And I'm not going anywhere, trust me." The last said in a low mumble, as he drifted in a sea of contentment.  
  
"I do," said Dean, relaxing completely in Sam's embrace.  
  
Sam's breathing slowed and Dean smiled, realizing Sam had fallen easily into sleep without the tossing and turning he usually did before dropping off. "Why else would I have sat there when death was rushing at me?" he murmured as he followed his brother into dreamless sleep.  
  
  
  
**warning incest**


End file.
